Posted in Uncategorized

Saturdays

This morning I woke up early and headed over to campus. My goal was to take a few pretests in math to get those out of the way, that way I could only freak out over the next three tests I have.

The math testing lab was closed.

The math lab itself was open, however, it was being hogged by a bunch of AP math students and all the tutors. I’m assuming they had a big project or some shit, because it looked pretty serious in there.

I backed away slowly and headed to the coffee shop.

Local guy and I strike up a conversation. He offered to help me with my studies, but I just wanted to watch all the damn math videos and sip my espresso in total sadness.  Within ten minutes, the line to the shop was out the door and the place was roaring with laughter and chit chat.

Here’s a weird fact about me: Loud places make me tired. Seriously, very tired. I’m sure it’s the white noise aspect that does it to me. Yet, if I try to listen to a sound machine at night, it keeps me awake and makes me crazy. Take me to a concert? Sure! I’ll be nodding off within an hour. Want to have dinner at a restaurant on a Saturday night? Great! Just know that I’ll get those glossy, lost in space eye stares once they clear our plates. I even fell asleep while getting a back piece done at a tattoo parlor. The guy couldn’t believe it.

Anyway-

The coffee shop was making me tired, so I packed up my shit and headed home.

I’ve been sitting on the back deck for two hours now, trying to pass my homework so I can take the second half of the homework, but it’s not going well. I just get so lost on the last step.

I don’t want to hate math, but I’ll tell you what, I really do.

Let’s all just hope and pray I can pass these next three tests and be done with this class. If I don’t pass- I lose my grant money, have to repay the class fee back AND TAKE THIS FRIGGIN CLASS AGAIN.

No panic…

Nope.

None.

Posted in Uncategorized

What was that?

This afternoon I saw something bizarre.

I remember looking out the window thinking, “That’s messed up. You should write about that later.”

Later is here and I cannot remember what it was that I saw.

Not a damn clue.

Maybe it was a person I saw? Something totally weird. Out of place.

My brain is so scattered right now and I’m aggravated that I can’t recall one simple detail.

Anyway-

I painted my nails black today.

Haven’t done that since like 1993.

For supper I made a Cuban buddah bowl (or as my Uncle says, “So you made a salad?”) I’m trying to reset the way we eat. For years we’ve done the low carb thing, but I never felt satisfied and was hungry an hour later.  Plus, I’ve recently discovered that meat makes me feel queasy.

Don’t get me wrong- I love a medium rare steak. Just lately my stomach is like, “Bitch, no.”

So I went to the almighty Pinterest and started looking up some stuff. The buddah bowls are really filling and I’ve not felt hungry and hour later. With the exception of chicken broth, they’re pretty damn close to all vegetarian/vegan.

I’m still bothered that I can’t remember what I wanted to write about today. Hmph.

Tonight I bought some water color pens and I’m looking forward to trying those out. I also bought some new notecards to start writing letters (HI CAT!) again. I miss having pen pals.  I miss writing in cursive.  There’s a website I used to frequent called Letters of Note. I could spend hours on that site just devouring the letters of the famous and not so famous individuals of the world.  So eloquent and timeless.

I also didn’t make it to Day Four of my writing challenge.

Tonight I also realized there’s a good change I won’t pass my math class.  Time is not on my side- I have three weeks to take 7 tests.  The level of panic I feel in my chest just thinking about it makes me sick. I suppose I could always take it again- when I’m able to dedicate a half day to that class.

Well.

Until I remember what it is that I was going to write about, here’s this:

Rolling laughing:

Posted in Uncategorized

Sounds like

I’ve decided to attempt one of those fancy 30 day writing challenges. If I know myself, I may make it to Day Four. Maybe Five. If I quit, just tell me to quit being an asshole and get back to writing.  Teamwork y’all.

Today’s prompt is:  What are your favorite sounds?

If I had to make a guesstimation, I would say that many people would respond with: “The sound of the ocean!” (Don’t hold me to this. I simply made up facts. Everyone likes fake news, right? Okay, good).

Of course, why not love the sound of the ocean? The ocean brings back memories of the summer. Vacation. Seafood. Family time. Salty skin and beach waved hair. The ocean reminds us that we are not at our desks, suffering a 9-5. The waves keep you in check with their methodic crashing, lulling you to sleep in the most perfect, Earth hug ever.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ocean and the waves.

It’s just not my favorite sound.

In terms of “sound” I immediately went to “What’s my favorite music?” but I scratched that. Music is awesome, it also teleports you away from whatever dumpster fire you’re dealing with or the happiest of occasions you’re about to experience.

Sound though.

What is my favorite SOUND. 

The dictionary defines sound as:

the sensation produced by stimulation of the organs of hearing by vibrations transmitted through the air or another medium.

or

the particular auditory effect produced by a given cause

Just so you know, I looked at the definition for a few minutes. I don’t think I blinked either. Has that ever happened to you? Where you feel hypnotized and you’re unable to move or blink, but your mind is still thinking and probably saying, “Dude. Blink. You are alive. BLINK YOUR EYES.”  No? Okay. I’m a weirdo.

I’ve been sitting here thinking. Chewing on my pen. Biting the bottom half of  my lip ever so gently.

Sound. Sound. Sound.

And now I have Simon & Garfunkel stuck in my head, “The sound… of silence.”

With that song popping into my head after a string of random thoughts, I realized what my favorite sound is:

the way winter sounds

There is a particular way winter “sounds,” especially right before it snows. For those of you who are unfamiliar with snow, I promise it’s only pretty from inside the house when your hot chocolate has booze in it. Otherwise, nah. However, right before it snows, if you happen to be outside, the world sounds muffled.

Like when you have cotton in your ears.

The air feels heavy and dense. Cars sound far away. You can just feel the sound of snow. For me, it’s cozy.  It’s also a rare treat, as I live in the South and we rarely see snow. And if you know anything about Snowpocalypse 2014, then you fully understand how the South deals with the “Devil’s dandruff” (hint: not very well).

The sound of winter reminds me of when I was little. We lived in Michigan at the time, on a dead end street. Our house was a tan/yellow brick color and we had chocolate colored shutters and a chocolate colored door. We also had a milkman and a front porch with astroturf on it.

Yet, in the winter, we had one cool thing: an igloo maker.

YES.

It was a plastic square with a handle on it. The idea was to make snow squares and build yourself an igloo to live in the front yard.  I never made it longer than an hour or so- but I do remember trying to build one with the neighbor friends.

Our gloves and mittens would be soaked. Our snowsuits wet and shimmery. We’d have those rosy cheeks and runny noses, but damn it, we were going to build an igloo if it killed us. I can specifically remember laying in the front yard on my back, staring up at the falling snow. Doing that made me feel sick to my stomach because of how trippy the snow looked falling from the sky. Even now, I feel kind of queasy remembering it.

The best part of the sound of winter was coming inside and getting a bowl of hot tomato soup with a grilled cheese sandwich. You’d put your gloves on the heater vent and sit down to eat your lunch and watch cartoons.

The simpler times.

When the weather made a sound that felt like a hug.

 

 

 

Posted in poetry, Uncategorized, Writing

Ore

We were,

like two fire escape ladders

Always next to one another

Never touching

icebound in winter,

when the city is wrapped in gray.

Broiling in the long summer

when the city radiates in reds.

Never used

No emergencies

No hero’s parade

A penchant for all that is good

Until we are replaced

with new

sinewy

ladders

That may or may not

ever touch

or be heroic

or in love.