Posted in Cooking, food, Home

Eating With Caution: When Pinterest Lets You Down & You Have to Rebuild Your Trust In Internet Recipes

A few years ago, I was searching Pinterest for supper ideas. We’ve all been there. You’ve got a fridge full of tofu, broccoli, and mustard and you’re just not sure where to start.  You may or may not have to involve the crock pot and if you’re lucky,  you might just find a recipe you’d like to try.

The reality though, is that you’ll start off looking at three recipes, which lead you to a cute skirt (which you just had to pin, in case you find a similar one at Target), then a makeup tutorial on how to flawlessly apply liquid eyeliner using a coffee stir and finally, a video on how to stencil terra cotta pots with old lipstick.  The next thing you know, it’s 9 p.m. and the kids have eaten an entire box of granola bars and half a bag of chips and you missed your one opportunity to sneak tofu into a meal.

Or something like that.  Don’t judge.

Anyway,

A few years ago, something similar happened to me, only I did find a recipe that interested me. It was pizza! Made in a crockpot!  Bonus for me was that it was carb free.

THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD’VE WALKED AWAY.

I should have slammed my computer shut and said, “Hey y’all! We’re having pancakes for supper!”

But I didn’t.

Instead, I jotted down the recipe and went to town.  As of this moment, the only thing I can recall was the layering of spinach, cheese, and tomato sauce. I’m not sure why the recipe said this was pizza because clearly, it was more of a lasagna. I let it simmer and stew in the crockpot for a few hours.

It smelled great!

My son was excited to eat food that I prepared and I even invited my Mom over to share!

I WAS WINNING AT LIFE YOU GUYS!

And then, we ate the crock pot pizza. Or as my son and I refer to it: CROCKPOT PIZZA OF DEATH.

It was so gross, I could barely choke down more than a few bites. My son was the same way. My Mom, on the other hand, thought it was delicious. She finished her plate and earned a gold star.  Later that night, I woke up feeling extremely ill. My son must have felt the same because I heard him in the bathroom while I was up running to the bathroom. DAMN YOU PINTEREST RECIPES!

We’ve all been there though. We’ve made those recipes knowing damn well it was going to taste like shit, yet we held onto this small glimmering hope that everything would be ok. That maybe that extra grease forming on top will just disappear. Maybe adding that much cheese isn’t such a bad thing (it probably is a bad thing, fyi). Maybe the dog will eat it.

Or maybe… you should stop looking for recipes on the internet genius.

However, I have noticed a small change to recipes listed on the website: there is an option where people who have made a recipe to leave a review! THANK YOU TINY GOLDEN BABY JESUS IN THE MANGER! I’ve used this new feature to my advantage. When I see keywords like: “Gross” or “Like chewing on a salt lick” I just X out of that shit real quick.

Yesterday I was in search again for another recipe. I had a pound of turkey meat sitting in the fridge and quite frankly, turkey meat is unchartered territory for me. There was this website I used to rely on that you could plug in everything you had in your fridge and it would spit out a recipe for you- but I think it closed up shop, which is why I’ve been playing Russian roulette with Pinterest these past few years.

I typed in turkey meat and closed my eyes for a second.

I also promised myself that I would not cook anything in the crock pot, nor would I shape any type of meat into a muffin tin to look like a heart. What I did see though, was a tasty looking photo of meatballs.  I’m into meatballs, but not meatloaf, yet I love hamburgers. Don’t ask me man, it’s just how I am.

Anyway,

This picture had a website attached and eleven people had tried it. ELEVEN! That sounds like some good statistics to me. All the reviews were positive and everyone was in agreement that they would be:

A. “Making these again for sure! So good! So much yum!”

and

B. “Doubling the batch to freeze half. Great to take for lunch!”

See? POSITIVE.

So with that, I set out to make Thai Curry meatballs.

Now hold up, hold up- don’t start backing away. Thai food is phenomenal! And in a meatball form? Dude. Stop.  I was a little skeptical when it called for fish sauce, but I had some sitting in the cabinet that I wanted to use up, so hey! Let’s do this!

The recipe itself was super easy: whisk all ingredients, add meat, bake 20 min. Although, I was a little grossed out mashing the ingredients into the turkey meat. I have just recently started eating meat again and turkey meat is so… pasty? Clammy? I don’t know. It definitely doesn’t clump the same as hamburger meat, that’s for sure. But I soldiered on and was able to make the meatballs!

When my husband and son walked in the door, they asked if I was cooking fish for supper. “Nope, meatballs.”  My son looked me dead in my eyes and said, “This isn’t going to be another Crockpot Pizza of Death, is it?” I could see the genuine concern washing over his face. We will never forget that horrific evening where our bowels screamed and we begged for mercy. NEVER.

“Ehhhh… I don’t think so. But I’ll tell ya what, I’ll eat one first and if it sucks, we’ll go eat tacos or something.”

Do you know, that there wasn’t a single Thai Curry meatball left? NOT A ONE PEOPLE! They were so delicious! Spicy, sweet and tangy. I added sesame seeds to the top as they cooked, so there was an added visual aspect and no one seemed to notice that I subbed crushed pork rinds in lieu of breadcrumbs.

I didn’t take any photos to share with you, but I did manage to save the recipe! My son has requested these again and in a double batch so he can hoard them all to himself.

Let me know if you decide to make it and what you thought. Don’t be skeered. You got this man.

Thai Curry Meatballs:

  • 1 tablespoon Thai red curry paste (I used green b/c I was out of Panang).
  • 1½ teaspoons brown sugar
  • 1 teaspoons fish sauce
  • 1 egg
  • 450g/ 1 lb lean ground turkey
  • 1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • ½ cup breadcrumbs (I used about a cup of crushed pork rinds b/c I’m on that low carb train again)
Instructions
  1. In the bottom of a medium bowl, stir together the curry paste, brown sugar, fish sauce and egg until curry is evenly mixed.
  2. Stir in the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly.
  3. Roll into 1.5 tablespoon balls and freeze or bake at 375°F for 20 minute

 

 

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Posted in Cooking, Home

Award Winning Indeed

A few months ago, I started watching this series on Netflix called Shetland. A Scottish crime drama show based on the Shetland Islands. I devoured every episode and once I’d finished, was in a show hole. What would be next? What would I do with my evenings now, laundry? HA.

It took some research, as well as conversations with my buddy Dave (who also watched Shetlands) and discovered a British crime show called Father Brown. The episodes are inspired by the stories of GK Chesterton.  Basically, Father Brown is the local priest who has an uncanny knack for figuring out murders in their town before the inspector does.

The first few episodes I wasn’t entirely involved, but eventually, the programming grew on me. Especially the fashion (mid 50s era) and the quaintness of the town. Of course, Father Brown, played by Mark Williams (aka: Ron Weasley’s Dad) captured my heart.  I noticed in the first season, his trusty side kick, parish secretary Mrs. McCarthy, often had her “award winning scones” on hand.  No one could resist them and I found myself pausing the television to get a closer look.

Those scones did look divine.

It became my mission to track down a recipe and recreate them. The only problem was, the only type of scone I’ve ever really eaten were the giant American variety with frosting and/or filled with chocolate chips. Mrs. McCarthy’s scones look like American biscuits. And there was another road block: clotted cream (or Devonshire cream, should you choose). Clotted cream is thick cream made by indirectly heating full-cream cow’s milk using steam or a water bath and then leaving it in shallow pans to cool slowly.  From there, the “cream” rises to the top (I can’t type that line without saying it like Macho Man Randy Savage) and that’s what you put on the scones, along with the fresh strawberries.

I’m not even sure where you can get fresh full cream cow’s milk. I mean, I could probably get my hands on some of it back home in Tennessee, but here in Atlanta, I don’t have the same connections.  So I put the scone dream on the back burner until one evening, I decided to simply Google it.

And you know what? There it was. Someone on the internet was feeling me. They understood the quirky addiction to Father Brown and the obsession with making those damn scones.  After reading the recipe (which you can find HERE), I realized that the recipe wasn’t as difficult as I had originally thought.

For those of you who know me, you know that I’m not the greatest baker. My cookie skills are more along the lines of buying the prepackaged version at the grocery and baking them at home. My husband is the ultimate cookie baker, that’s for sure.  Making homemade crusts for pies is lost on me, which of course, is why Pillsbury makes them for us.  I remember when my husband and I were dating, I invited him over for dinner. Earlier that day, I tried to make a pie, which tasted like shit. I quickly ran out to the grocery and bought a Boston Creme Pie pie, which also tasted like shit. We still have a good laugh over it and any time we’re in the grocery and I see one, I’ll say, “Hey, you want me to pick this up for dessert?”

Yesterday morning I decided to make the scones. I woke up, did started some laundry and thought, “It’s time. I gotta know if these scones are any good.” I know that everyone cooks and bakes differently, but for me, I prefer to have all ingredients in front of me with the measurements already in place. It’s just easier for my brain to work that way and I’m sure there’s a fancy culinary school name for doing that- I’m just too lazy to look it up.

So I set off on my quest to make Mrs. McCarthy’s award winning strawberry scones.

The dough itself was simple to make and as the recipe states, more along the lines of an Irish scone- as Mrs. McCarthy is Irish, not English. I was able to make the dough in my food processor and it rolled out beautifully. I used a small glass to cut the dough, because we don’t own any cookie cutters.  I baked them at 425 for 11 minutes and they were absolutely perfect.

The next step was making fresh whipped cream.  The recipe calls for clotted cream, but I didn’t feel like warming up a gallon of milk in a 13×9 for 12 hrs to scrape what could be a disaster off the top.  Maybe in the upcoming months, I’ll brave this task and report back on how delicious it is.

By eleven a.m., I was putting together my first scone. I used a bit of my mother in laws homemade strawberry preserves on the bottom, sliced up a strawberry, topped with whipped cream and then topped with a scone.

I took a moment to admire my handiwork and then promptly ate it.  I took the time to appreciate how it all tasted. The light sweetness of the whipped cream, the tartness of the strawberries and the thick scones.  It was, by far, the most delicious breakfast I’d had in awhile.  Heh.

So without further ado, I give you the award winning strawberry scones! Let me know if you decide to make them or if you have your own favorite scone recipe! I’d love to try it!

Image may contain: food

 

Posted in Cooking, Life

Part Time Foodie

For the past week I’ve been doing pretty good in the eating department.  Look, I love food. I love to cook new ingredients, buy strange things at the market (shark, octopus, goat liver, whatever). I also love sweets.  And by love, I mean a deep, passionate desire type love. WHen I cut sweets and gluten (and shitty types of carbs) from my diet, I crave it so intensely, I could cry.  Some days I give in and some days I don’t.  On the days I give in, you’ll be able to find me in a Walgreen’s parking lot with a bag of M&M’s eating them in secret shame.

Okay, there’s no shame. I feel no guilt.  I LOVE SWEETS.

So-

For the past two weeks, I’ve been eating better and going to the gym at night.  I have yet to wake up to my 4:30 AM alarm to hit the gym before work. Baby steps people, baby steps! I like the gym. It’s fun. However, I hate running. This isn’t something I decided at twenty either. I knew it the second I stepped foot on the playground in kindergarten to play dodgeball.  It didn’t get any better the older I got. In high school, I straight up fake barfed to get a pass on the one mile run.  Ugh. Not only am I not good at it (I do try, promise), but it hurts my ankles, my shins, the left side of my foot.

I know… “excuses.”

That’s not to say I don’t give it a go though.  I’ll run for a minute, walk for a minute. Run for two, walk for two. Shit like that.  That gives me something to look forward to, yknow, the walking part.

So let’s quit talking about running and move on to FOOD.  Mmmmmm glorious foods.

There are two really great websites I go to for low carb/gluten free/paleo goodness:

1. Low Carb Luxury

and

2. I Breathe, I’m Hungry

Currently I Breathe, I’m Hungry has some great sample menus up to get you in ketosis.  I’ll be planning out my menu this week.  Oh and FYI- those cream cheese pancakes she mentions are THE JAM. I’ve made them several times and they are straight up delicious. So I’m stoked about that.

The Low Carb Luxury site has some great stuff too- especially the deep dish quiche pizza.  SO TASTY. It’s my fave to make, even if it is a little time consuming.

The point of this whole damn post was to share a recipe I found online!  There’s a great website called Food 52. Which is where I found Trent Pierce’s Miso Creamed Kale recipe! I made this the other night with some roasted beef and it was phenomenal. How phenomenal? Well, my son ate the rest of it after we each had a portion. A WHOLE skillet. Yes, my teenage son ate that much kale. Here’s the photo off their site:

Trent Pierce's Miso-Creamed KaleAmazing, right? I know, I hate when people use the word amazing for everything, but it really was and quite possibly will become my go to dish of the year.  I didn’t use shimeji or shiitake mushrooms (I’m the only fan in the household), so I swapped those out for portabellas. I also was out of vermouth, so I subbed dry Sherry.  Not sure if that was the legit thing to do, but for the most part the 1/4 c cooked off and didn’t taste weird or anything.

So for all my foodie friends out there, I hope you give this recipe a shot.  And if you have a favorite recipe, hook me up!

Happy cooking my loves!

Day 6: Your Day

Quarter to nine in the evening.

I’m listening to N.W.O.  by Ministry

My day? Hella busy.

Last night, somewhere between cooking supper and math homework, MD looks at me and says, “Oh yeah! Don’t forget I have to bring doughnuts to school this morning.”  I stopped stirring the quiche mix and said, “The whole seventh grade or just your class?”

Blank stare.

Once a month students are assigned a specific day to bring in breakfast to enjoy after mass.  It was eight p.m. when my son realized it was his turn.  When Bill headed in the kitchen, I mentioned it- as we were already heading to the grocery.  You know that’s some serious love when you plan a date night to the grocery store.  The only downside to that, is no one gives free samples at quarter to ten on a Tuesday night.  Get your shit together grocery stores!

We decided that we’d pick up a couple dozen doughnuts from the bakery up the street from us.  Hands down, best doughnuts I’ve ever eaten.  At five this morning, Bill was placing the order, by five thirty he was out the door to pick them up.  In the meantime, I was scrambling to dry my hair while also screaming down the hall for MD to get up.

Every Wednesday without fail, we can’t locate his tie for his mass uniform.  Today however, MD knew it was on the hall floor under the new pack of toilet paper I bought.  It’s the little things people.  Little things.  The two of us were dressed and coming down the stairs, clock running.  I am a stickler for the schedule in the morning.  I never leave the house after 6:30 a.m.

Ever.

Today we were out the door, lunches in hand (thanks to my awesome husband) and in the car by 6:24.  We pulled into the school parking lot at 6:52. I helped MD carry his gear in, as he had another ingrown toe removed earlier in the week.  One giant back pack, one small duffel bag for Drama clothes, his lunch and 4 dozen doughnuts.

And I’m in heels.

After I drop MD off, I sit in traffic for an hour.

I work.

I go to lunch.  Sometimes I eat food.  Sometimes I sleep in my car.  Sometimes I write (like today).

I come back and work some more.

I go home.

I sit in traffic for close to two hours.  Unless of course, MD has tutor.  Some days I pick him up and take him. Or Bill. Or my brother in law. Everyone coordinates their arrivals and departures. We even discuss the ebb and flow of traffic.  Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays are the long days- as we won’t get home till 7:30 p.m.

Then it’s homework till nine or so.

Then we watch a movie or cut up.  However, because MD is in drama, he’ll have practice till six. Then tutor. Then home.  Or if there’s a band concert, we scramble to beat traffic, eat food and then watch him kick ass in a concert. That lasts till 8:30. Then we go home. Then there’s homework. Then we all collapse. Most days I think about doing the laundry- but to be honest, I am so wiped out, I just go to bed and snuggle with my husband.

As I was writing this, I actually started to get a little stressed out.  When you are in constant go mode, you don’t realize how much you’re doing until you write it all down.  Hell, half the time I feel like this:

That’s probably where the heart palpitations started.  Thinking about all the driving to and fro I’d be doing. So I did what I thought was best:

I closed WordPress and left this post alone.  Until now.

Do you know what was awesome today? Not the fact that traffic was moving at a decent clip or even that the sun wasn’t in my eyes the entire time.  The nicest part of my evening was sitting outside on the patio of a coffee shop, sipping Chai tea with my husband while the sun set.  We chit chatted about our work days, the game plan for the weekend and just general stuff.

It was relaxing.

Refreshing even.

Then I realized that it was quarter till seven.  One of us had to get home, let the dog out and start supper.  The other would stay and wait for MD to get out of tutor.

Rock. Paper. Scissors.

I headed home, Bill stayed back.

While I was in the kitchen, I felt the wave of Mom guilt wash over me.  Should I work? Should I stay home? Am I involved enough at school? Does everyone have clean underwear? Will they like what I’m making for supper? I took a deep breath and kept chopping veggies while the garlic sauteed in sesame oil.

Once supper (mushroom and chickpea stew) was simmering and the house was smelling delicious, the crew started stumbling in.  Everyone carries a back pack, a lunch bag, a laptop. We all kick our shoes off by the back door, even though we come up from the garage.  We all hug and kiss each other hello because quite frankly, we’ve missed each other.

Then, the evening begins and unwinds.  Eventually I’ll go to bed.  Maybe it’ll be before one a.m., although lately I’ve been waking up around 2:30 in the morning to jot down poems.  Then I go back to sleep for another two hours.

Rinse. Repeat.

Life.

There is still laundry to be folded, but right now, I’d rather spend time with my family than fold socks.

Posted in Cooking, NaBloPoMo, Writing

Day 4: What I Ate

I know, it’s only 10:05 a.m. and here I am, already telling you what I ate.  In my defense, it’s pretty cut and dry and I can even tell you what I’ll snack on tonight, because I’m that good. 

Morning:

1 mini Hershey’s bar

1 mini Kit-Kat

1 cup French Vanilla coffee, 2 mini creamers, 1 Splenda

2.5 stalks celery, cut

2 Tbsp peanut butter

1 tsp cream cheese

1/2 a banana

That’s what I’ve eaten so far.  I once heard on the radio that people who eat a small piece of chocolate in the morning are generally nicer and have their shit together by time they get to their desks. Any reason to eat candy sounds good to me. I am addicted to candy. ALL of it. That’s no joke either. I do not discriminate against any candy. Even rock hard Tootsie rolls that I discover in my glove box.  Yep. I eat those too.

How about lunch you say? I eat lunch at 12pm, here’s what I’ve got:

1.5 cup chicken tortilla soup

This recipe is awesome and it also calls for the use of a crock pot.  Which I never use. Well, I do, but only if it’s to fill it full of rotel dip and chips. It’s not very large and I often wonder if I should break down and buy a larger one. I mean, I am an adult now and that’s what adults do. They cook food in crock pots because they don’t get home from work at a decent hour and there’s only so many nights you can say, “We’re going to have breakfast for supper! YAY!” No. There is a problem though- I panic about leaving it on.  What if the plug shorts out and catches my house on fire? Then what? No chicken tortilla soup for you! Or clean underwear. Or a place to live.  I know this is probably an irrational fear that I should get over. I’m thirty five. Crock pots don’t start your house on fire.  Dry Christmas Trees with “vintage” lights from 1985 do.

So I made the recipe without the crock pot.  I boiled the chicken first, then chopped it up.  While the chicken was boiling, I chopped all the veggies, added extra jalapeno’s, the spices and left that to marinate.  I brought the 2qts chicken stock to a rolling boil, added chicken, added marinated veggies and cooked it all for a bit (maybe an hour on low).  Right before we sat down to eat, Bill sliced up some tortillas and dumped those in, which really soaked up the juices and made the soup a little thicker.

I didn’t have avocados because I didn’t want to pay $1.99/lb for them

I did add sour cream though.

Afternoon snack:

1 honeycrisp apple.  I am in love with these apples.  To me, they are the Glenda the Good Witch of fruit (the Wicked Witch would be Red Delicious. Blech).

1 cup plum, blueberry greek lite yogurt (low carb, low sugar)

Then I’ll probably try and score some candy from some department here in the building that has left overs.  On the ride home, I’ll eat another apple or one of those round cheese bites that comes in the red waxy coating. Which, I love to keep on the side so I can mold it into something else when I have time.  Because I’m weird. In case you were wondering, I also chewed the waxy glue that was left on my Hi-C juice pack as a kid.  Okay, I did it last week too.

Supper:

More chicken tortilla soup (I made a massive amount)

Probably split some popcorn with my husband and son while we argue about what shitty movie to watch on Netflix (I got vetoed on Valley Girl last night. SAD)!

2 fingers of bourbon, no ice. NO ICE PEOPLE.  Ugh.

I’ll also sneak another piece of candy from MD’s Halloween stash.

 

So there you have it.  What I ate and what I will be eating.  It’s not complicated. It’s just food.  Now if I could schedule some work outs as well as I schedule what I eat, I’ll be set.  Patience, patience! I’ll be hitting the gym soon, seeing that I can’t really use my stair stepper since the man cave flooded.  Disaster. A project for the dead of winter. 

I’ll probably make a hearty beef stew that day.

And tell my husband he’s so super awesome for being a brilliant handy man around the house.  Then we’ll eat stew in the ripped up man cave and laugh at the work ahead of us.  

 

Posted in Cooking, LINKS, Uncategorized

LINKS!

One of my favorite things to do, aside from reading blogs and world news online (okay, okay- playing Tetris and looking at cat pics) is to click links that others have posted.  Seriously, it’s awesome.  I’ve found so many great articles, hilarious gifs, heart pounding stories, new bloggers to connect with and general awesomeness.  For quite some time I’ve thought, “I should do a links post too!”

Only I never got around to doing it.

Today, however, I thought I’d give it a shot!  Here goes nothin…

ImageThis story here looks like something I could get into for sure. Illustrated highlights from a mock 1700’s newspaper! The project is being hosted over at Unbound!

In keeping with my love of history, I’m thinking of buying this book here. Unless of course, it’s anything like Sarum.  Then you can straight up forget it.

Need a certificate letting people know you kick ass? Gotcha covered yo.

Don’t think of a “F” as failure, think of it as a one-legged “A.” Everything’s gonna be ok man!

Also, I have quite a few friends who are living a gluten free life.  Considering my own sweet husband quit eating gluten and sugar several months ago, I often try to dig up recipes to take to dinner parties or cook at home.  Sometimes it’s tough, because there are days you just want to dry hump fresh loaves of bread.  Or not, whatever.

I have a few go to websites, one which is the now defunct Punchfork (which was bought out by fucking Pinterest).  

Here’s a few of my faves:

The Minimalist Baker

Yummly, which isn’t always gluten/vegan btw.

And if you’re looking for some inspiration with your home cooking, there’s always the lovely Mama’s Minutia. She’s the one I snagged the butternut/pesto cheesecake recipe from. DUDES. MAKE THIS.

Considering my love of books & history, I couldn’t leave out my all time favorite recipe site, Paper and Salt. Nicole, the blog author, attempts to recreate favorite recipes from iconic authors. Brilliant!

Okay, enough about food, I’m getting hungry.

Don’t y’all just love Hilda?

I’d love to own one of these, or maybe have one made of my family.  If you’re not creating in some way, you’re missing out.

I still want this painting for my living room:

ImageHowever, this one is equally as impressive:

ImageRon Mueck, creates some larger than life sculptures.  I’d like to have one of these for my front yard.  Y’know, piss off the HOA.

Ten of the strangest houses. Although I call bullshit on number seven. Really? C’mon.

Think Mike Rowe is only the host of Dirty Jobs and a former Opera singer? He’s also a big advocate for skilled trades/labor jobs. You can read about it here.

I love these 8 Life Lessons from Man’s Life Magazine.

Oh my GAH, this piggie in an argyle sweater!

ImageI’ll be upping my game in regards to building couch forts this weekend.

Also, one of my buddies is the tour manager for Leogun. Who just so happen to be opening up for Kiss and QOTSA.  Go show ’em some love.

Whew.

Alright, I think I got all of that out of my system. I’ll try to post new and exciting links every Thursday.  Which means you guys should probably call me Wednesday night and tell me not to forget.  Or we could just catch up, whichever you prefer.

Thanks to Nova and Kaelah Bee for the inspiration and images/links!

Posted in Cooking

Whippin Up Some Good Eats

As I mentioned in the post below, I would be making several mini meals this week. Which are heavy on eggs. Also, tomatoes. If you could have seen us last night piling little bags full of beefsteak tomatoes, you would have said to yourself, “Self, those people need to take vitamins. Or they just love salsa. A lot.” For the record, Mr. B and myself take our vitamins and we’re not overly obsessed with salsa.

So!

First up on the list last night was Oven Baked Eggs with Tomato Salsa.

I should mention that this:

A) could be served for breakfast or brunch

B) might could fill you up, but only if you’d eaten like three waffles prior.

Now, I’m not real big on eggs. Actually, just scrambled eggs. Gah. Just the thought of them make me feel queasy. However, if you’re cooking poached, sunnyside, hard boiled or deviled eggs, I will not leave your side and will more than likely have two servings.

For last nights snack, I had the two small ramekins and Mr. B, well, I made him a special dish with extra eggs and salsa. After all, I gotta make sure my man stays full! Heh. Actually, I did that because those ramekins looked so tiny, I heard my stomach call me an asshole.

Lets move on to the actual recipe, shall we? I’ll even put money on this that Hannah Hart from My Drunk Kitchen could make this. Well, maybe not, because there was some knives and chopping involved. Does she drunk cook with knives? I forget.

For the salsa:

2 ripe tomatoes, finely chopped (I do not know how to “finely chop” anything. So the salsa was of a chunkier variety).

3 scallions, trimmed and finely chopped. (Trimmed? Uh, sure. I’m assuming scallions are those onions with the long green stems that you can get like 5 for $1.00 or some shit. Either way, add onions).

1″ piece cucumber, finely chopped (Again with the finely-ness! I just hacked up what I thought was 1″ worth of cucumber).

Tabasco to taste (I only use sriracha because I’m a tough guy)

1 tbsp cilantro, chopped (not finely)

For the Eggs:

4 sprays olive oil (why only four?)

4 eggs

Pepper

Okay, so you preheat the oven to 350. You prep the salsa, which in rocket scientist terms means: CHOP ALL THE VEGGIES. Set it aside.

“Lightly” spray your ramekins. Or, if you’re me, you straight blast those mofo’s with all sorts of oily goodness. Take some of the salsa and put a scooch in the bottom. Then crack your egg over the salsa. Place those ramekins in a roasting pan 1/2 full with hot water, sprinkle with pepper. COOK IT for 8-12 min (depending on your egg preference) at 350 degrees.

Now, this is where I got kind of grossed out. The recipe says to warm up the remaining salsa. Ew. Actually, the EW factor came when I thought about the warm cucumbers. I tried it though and it was okay. Not mind blowing or Anthony Bourdain worthy, but decent. After your eggs are done…

Wait.

You know how I said to cook your foods 8-12 minutes? Yeah. No. The eggs never looked done after 12 min. Or 17. So I called Mr. B into the kitchen for a consultation. He suggested cranking the oven to 400. We did. For five more minutes. Which means if you’re good at math & have been paying attention, I basically created a hard boiled egg on my salsa.

It was delicious.

Especially after I topped it with some more salsa and parmesan cheese.

Want to see some before and after pics? OF COURSE YOU DO.

BEFORE!

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AFTER!

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Also- I’m adding this sub text via phone because I couldn’t figure out how to do it on my desk top. Fingers crossed?