Posted in Uncategorized

Protected: Stillness

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Advertisements
Posted in Cooking, food, Home

Eating With Caution: When Pinterest Lets You Down & You Have to Rebuild Your Trust In Internet Recipes

A few years ago, I was searching Pinterest for supper ideas. We’ve all been there. You’ve got a fridge full of tofu, broccoli, and mustard and you’re just not sure where to start.  You may or may not have to involve the crock pot and if you’re lucky,  you might just find a recipe you’d like to try.

The reality though, is that you’ll start off looking at three recipes, which lead you to a cute skirt (which you just had to pin, in case you find a similar one at Target), then a makeup tutorial on how to flawlessly apply liquid eyeliner using a coffee stir and finally, a video on how to stencil terra cotta pots with old lipstick.  The next thing you know, it’s 9 p.m. and the kids have eaten an entire box of granola bars and half a bag of chips and you missed your one opportunity to sneak tofu into a meal.

Or something like that.  Don’t judge.

Anyway,

A few years ago, something similar happened to me, only I did find a recipe that interested me. It was pizza! Made in a crockpot!  Bonus for me was that it was carb free.

THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD’VE WALKED AWAY.

I should have slammed my computer shut and said, “Hey y’all! We’re having pancakes for supper!”

But I didn’t.

Instead, I jotted down the recipe and went to town.  As of this moment, the only thing I can recall was the layering of spinach, cheese, and tomato sauce. I’m not sure why the recipe said this was pizza because clearly, it was more of a lasagna. I let it simmer and stew in the crockpot for a few hours.

It smelled great!

My son was excited to eat food that I prepared and I even invited my Mom over to share!

I WAS WINNING AT LIFE YOU GUYS!

And then, we ate the crock pot pizza. Or as my son and I refer to it: CROCKPOT PIZZA OF DEATH.

It was so gross, I could barely choke down more than a few bites. My son was the same way. My Mom, on the other hand, thought it was delicious. She finished her plate and earned a gold star.  Later that night, I woke up feeling extremely ill. My son must have felt the same because I heard him in the bathroom while I was up running to the bathroom. DAMN YOU PINTEREST RECIPES!

We’ve all been there though. We’ve made those recipes knowing damn well it was going to taste like shit, yet we held onto this small glimmering hope that everything would be ok. That maybe that extra grease forming on top will just disappear. Maybe adding that much cheese isn’t such a bad thing (it probably is a bad thing, fyi). Maybe the dog will eat it.

Or maybe… you should stop looking for recipes on the internet genius.

However, I have noticed a small change to recipes listed on the website: there is an option where people who have made a recipe to leave a review! THANK YOU TINY GOLDEN BABY JESUS IN THE MANGER! I’ve used this new feature to my advantage. When I see keywords like: “Gross” or “Like chewing on a salt lick” I just X out of that shit real quick.

Yesterday I was in search again for another recipe. I had a pound of turkey meat sitting in the fridge and quite frankly, turkey meat is unchartered territory for me. There was this website I used to rely on that you could plug in everything you had in your fridge and it would spit out a recipe for you- but I think it closed up shop, which is why I’ve been playing Russian roulette with Pinterest these past few years.

I typed in turkey meat and closed my eyes for a second.

I also promised myself that I would not cook anything in the crock pot, nor would I shape any type of meat into a muffin tin to look like a heart. What I did see though, was a tasty looking photo of meatballs.  I’m into meatballs, but not meatloaf, yet I love hamburgers. Don’t ask me man, it’s just how I am.

Anyway,

This picture had a website attached and eleven people had tried it. ELEVEN! That sounds like some good statistics to me. All the reviews were positive and everyone was in agreement that they would be:

A. “Making these again for sure! So good! So much yum!”

and

B. “Doubling the batch to freeze half. Great to take for lunch!”

See? POSITIVE.

So with that, I set out to make Thai Curry meatballs.

Now hold up, hold up- don’t start backing away. Thai food is phenomenal! And in a meatball form? Dude. Stop.  I was a little skeptical when it called for fish sauce, but I had some sitting in the cabinet that I wanted to use up, so hey! Let’s do this!

The recipe itself was super easy: whisk all ingredients, add meat, bake 20 min. Although, I was a little grossed out mashing the ingredients into the turkey meat. I have just recently started eating meat again and turkey meat is so… pasty? Clammy? I don’t know. It definitely doesn’t clump the same as hamburger meat, that’s for sure. But I soldiered on and was able to make the meatballs!

When my husband and son walked in the door, they asked if I was cooking fish for supper. “Nope, meatballs.”  My son looked me dead in my eyes and said, “This isn’t going to be another Crockpot Pizza of Death, is it?” I could see the genuine concern washing over his face. We will never forget that horrific evening where our bowels screamed and we begged for mercy. NEVER.

“Ehhhh… I don’t think so. But I’ll tell ya what, I’ll eat one first and if it sucks, we’ll go eat tacos or something.”

Do you know, that there wasn’t a single Thai Curry meatball left? NOT A ONE PEOPLE! They were so delicious! Spicy, sweet and tangy. I added sesame seeds to the top as they cooked, so there was an added visual aspect and no one seemed to notice that I subbed crushed pork rinds in lieu of breadcrumbs.

I didn’t take any photos to share with you, but I did manage to save the recipe! My son has requested these again and in a double batch so he can hoard them all to himself.

Let me know if you decide to make it and what you thought. Don’t be skeered. You got this man.

Thai Curry Meatballs:

  • 1 tablespoon Thai red curry paste (I used green b/c I was out of Panang).
  • 1½ teaspoons brown sugar
  • 1 teaspoons fish sauce
  • 1 egg
  • 450g/ 1 lb lean ground turkey
  • 1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • ½ cup breadcrumbs (I used about a cup of crushed pork rinds b/c I’m on that low carb train again)
Instructions
  1. In the bottom of a medium bowl, stir together the curry paste, brown sugar, fish sauce and egg until curry is evenly mixed.
  2. Stir in the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly.
  3. Roll into 1.5 tablespoon balls and freeze or bake at 375°F for 20 minute

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Full Moon Blessings

Feeling extra dreamy and
creative today.

Perfume on my wrists smells
extra spicy
my hair feels
extra soft
eyelids fluttering
slow
tiny butterflies
pausing on hostas
The full moon,
that’s why

art, blue, and hands image