Technology: Making You Its Bitch

Today we spent five hours in Best Buy.

Just let that sink in for a moment.

Actually, only four for me, as I spent an hour over at Michaels, buying up what farm animals I could find for some project MD has due for English. So yeah. We were there for awhile.  On Saturday morning, my husband washed his phone. I heard him come barreling up the stairs screaming, “Oh shit! Oh shit! OH SHIT!”  I figured that maybe he really was shitting himself or something close to it judging by the urgency in his voice.

I watched as he flung up the lid to our old washer, reached in and yanked out a pair of soaking wet pants. “Ohhhhhh. Shit,” I said.  He looked up and our eyes met. This felt like another huge milestone. Just like that time we got into an argument in Bed, Bath & Beyond over a comforter. Neither of us said anything for a moment and it was here that I fully expected him to have a meltdown. It’s one thing to have a smart phone and do nothing but check Facebook and play games, it’s another when you use your phone solely for business purpose.  My husband is in the latter of the categories.

There wasn’t a meltdown though. Just a long, heavy sigh.

I followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen. As he opened the pantry, I saw my husband stand there for a moment. We were fresh out of rice.  However, we did have half a bag of quinoa!  So in it went for twenty four hours. Clearly, we all remember cell phones with detachable batteries. Those golden years of being able to do nothing more than make a phone call or play snake on your Nokia.  When I was living in Japan, my cell phone was no longer than a deck of cards and no wider than a ruler.  Yet, it had an antenna and it I wanted to “text” someone, I had this mini laptop that fit in the palm of my hand.  I was only allowed to use that for emergencies (I was pregnant and MD’s dad out to sea) only, because it used up all of our minutes within a blink of an eye.  Of course now, our entire lives are based in our cell phones.

So this afternoon as MD and I walked out of Michaels, we saw Bill walking towards us.  I said, “This can’t be good.”  We all stopped and warmed our faces in the sun while trying to process which option would work best for us.  Instead of just replacing one phone, we would have to upgrade mine (long over due), add a line, get another phone and … wait. No, that’s not right. Forget it, the whole thing is lost on me.  Basically, Bill and I got new phones, MD got my old phone and we had to upgrade our plan. The girl helping us at Best Buy was brilliant and she had a beautiful ring tattooed on her ring finger. Seriously, it was the classiest ring tattoo I’d ever seen.

While all of this was going on, with phone calls to tech support and trying to figure out contacts and photos that didn’t transfer, I just sort of gave up. When Liz from Best Buy asked what phone I wanted, I told her.  Then she asked what color I’d like it in. Color? This is an option now? I picked green, as yellow was not available.  I was handed over a lighter, shinier new phone.

I immediately chucked it in my purse.

I’m tired of being connected to my phone.   For example, yesterday I was talking to my Busha on the phone.  She said she didn’t like her cell phone because it never rang, except for when she got up to use the bathroom.  Then of course, it would ring.  She said, “If I don’t answer, then they start calling the house phone. I got a damn answering machine, leave me a message! I gotta wipe my ass! I ain’t dragging my phone to the toilet!” I laughed but it got me thinking.

Remember when you’d have to take a shit and would be forced to either read a magazine or God forbid, shampoo bottles?

Oh the horror!

So with my new phone up and running, I downloaded some of my favorite apps, but then… I just deleted them.  I’m tired of being connected right now. Of feeling the impulse to check and recheck and check again.  It’s mentally exhausting sometimes, sure. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy all the laughs and debates I have on social media, because I do.

Tonight I made a choice to only keep two social apps on my phone.  I reinstalled my meditation app and even went looking for one of those interactive pet programs.  Do you remember those? Where you’d have goldfish swimming on your screen and you could feed them? I liked that, it was calming.  As of right now, there is no Pinterest, no Facebook, no Twitter and no Flipbook.  I’ve downloaded a crossword puzzle app, but really I think I’d much prefer to just buy a newspaper and try to finish one the old fashioned way: with a pencil (pen if you’re feeling like a bad ass).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to knit a hat and watch some British dramas.



2 thoughts on “Technology: Making You Its Bitch

  1. So… we both wrote pretty similar things on the whole social media connection thing within a day of each other… We’re like soul mates. xoxo

    • Holy cow!

      You know, for some reason, your blog doesn’t show up in my feed! I’ll have to fix that.

      And duh, of course we’re soul mates! xo

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