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What Do YOu Mean Your Fireplace Doesn’t Work?

People are talking about how the weather is frightful, yet they aren’t including how the fire is so delightful.  I have a fireplace, but for whatever reason, the gas is not working.  Yes, I realize a “real” fireplace does not require gas, just old fashioned wood.  Henry Ford said, “Chop your own wood and it will warm you twice.”  However, I saw this quote on the internet.  So did Ford really say it? Who knows. Also, I doubt Henry Ford chopped his own wood.  I’ve been to Greenfield Village.  I know what’s up. 

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, the fireplace.

So when we bought our place, it came with a gas powered fireplace.  It’s brick with a nice mantel.  We tried to light it, but to no avail.  Actually, I started to get nervous about the lighting process because HELLO, it’s GAS.  I kept getting this horrible knot in my stomach when Bill would fool with it. You know, visions of weird smells and then explosions. Any time Bill would want to have a fire, I’d be right behind him saying, “Just leave it alone!” or “Build one outside!” or “Do you smell that? Oh God. The house is gonna blow up!” 

My Dad said we could cap off the gas line and use it as a real fireplace, but we haven’t made it that far down on the To Do list yet. There’s still that daunting task of redoing the Man Cave looming over our heads. Instead of a roaring fire, I filled the dark void with Christmas lights a few years ago. Roaring lights. Same thing. Several friends have said that it gives them the illusion that there really is a fire going. If they side eyed the living room. Trickery!  I should probably go on and tape crackling fire sounds to add to the effect. Then stand in front of it while rubbing my hands together and sighing.

Seeing that today the weather is indeed frightful (rainy and cold), I’d love nothing more than to go home, get a fire going and stretch out on the floor to sleep. That my friends, is some of the best shut eye you could ever have.  I suppose when I get home tonight, I’ll cut the television on and turn it to the Yule log channel and then stretch out in front of the bookshelf.

Imagination goes a long way y’know.  Hopefully while I’m relaxing the dog won’t try to hump my back.

Here, warm your bones while I go heat up some soup: 

 

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