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Sugar, Spice & Those Ugly Ass Panties

Do you know when the last time you wore a matching bra and panty was? Or better yet, when you bought some saucy undergarments to make yourself feel super fab?

If you said “No,” or “Maybe my wedding?” you’re on the right track.  If you said, “I always wear matching bra and panties! ” then you can just go and get the hell on.

I started thinking about it this morning because currently I’m wearing a pair of red Wonder Woman panties with a black lace bra.  How in the hell does this make any sense? When did I stop caring? I’ll tell you when- 2000, when I found out I was pregnant.  And don’t even try to tell me that they make sexy pregnant lady underwear either, because if you had to see the shit storm of maternity pleather pants that were available for me to purchase at the NEX store on base, you’d understand too.

Sometimes I try, I really do.  I have good intentions when trying to match.  I wore a cute white lace pair on my wedding day (sorry for the visual Dad), but you know what? My bra didn’t match. It was a white strapless thing. But then of course, once I took the dress off, I realized I’d dropped a piece of chocolate cake down between my boobs, so you can imagine how sexy that looked. 

So-

I’m currently wearing some crazy undergarments.  I don’t think about matching the two. When I do, it’s at random.  As in, “Oh look, my gray bra sort of matches these faded gray panties!” Same color palate counts, right? Once I get to work though and take that first restroom break, I realize the underwear have a huge hole in the side and the elastic is shot.

Ladies, why are we holding onto these?! There’s no sentimental value! You aren’t keeping them to put in a scrap book with a cute label underneath that says, “Home Run Date Night 2012.” Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  You’ve got the pair that fit over your tummy just right when you wear those jeans that make your ass look good because the button rubs your stomach raw.  You’ve got the pair that don’t pinch the fleshy part between your leg and vag.  There’s the cute pair that may/may not have a superhero/small kitten/cute saying/flowers on them (I also have a pair with Stewie on the front. Don’t ask).  And then, oh yes, the period panty.  I always rolled my eyes at my girlfriends who had these so called “three day periods” and who could wear thongs at the same time.  SHUT UP.  When I was in college, I wore guys briefs as period panties because they just kept everything in place, including those self sticking heating pads that left you with oval shaped burn marks after six hours of wear.

So here’s my thing:

Let’s take a pledge ladies.  Just say no to crappy panties (also, yes, those with skid marks on them).  Let’s bring back the sexy to our nether regions and embrace the power that comes with wearing a ridiculously hot pair of panties.  Will you do this with me? 

I promise, when I get home tonight, I’ll toss out every pair of busted ass, slouchy elastic, crazy saggy butt, Hello Kitty, Day of the Week, period/slacker panty. 

We deserve better!  Our lady bits deserve better! Our significant others deserve better.

I mean, how could you have a bad day when the first thing you have to put on after your shower looks something like this:

 

porn4ladies:-Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Friday friday Saturday Saturday Saturday Sunday Sunday…

Go on, admit it. 

I’m right. 

 

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One thought on “Sugar, Spice & Those Ugly Ass Panties

  1. I recently bought some nice, cotton undies with little hedgehogs on them. They are looking at each other with little hearts over their heads. They are adorable and these are some of the most comfortable undies I have right now. =P I don’t get the sexy undies thing, for me, anyhow. As long as I am comfortable and I know I won’t be embarrassed to all get out if I somehow end up at the hospital, I’m good. But I DID finally have a fit at my underwear drawer this summer because it was too full. So I did a clothing cull – all torn, broken, non-fitting undies went in the trash. That’s when I realized I didn’t have enough left to make it through a week. Oops. Funny how I’ll think spending money on almost everything else is less of a waste than going out and buying new underwear. I feel like I’m spending money frivolously on that. Which isn’t true, because I NEED them. I’d rather buy… anything else.

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