Remember when you were sixteen and your parents pissed you off for something utterly ridiculous and you were all, “ONE DAY I’M GOING TO BE AN ADULT AND YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” Remember that? And then when you were an adult out on your own for the first time, you spent the first six months of your life living off pop tarts, ramen noodles and King Cobra 40oz? Yeah.
Let’s rewind back to that moment where you said you couldn’t wait to become an adult.
And to quote Billy Madison
Because one Sunday, you’ll be out shopping with your Mom, sipping on coffee from your favorite coffee shop, your son will be cracking jokes with you and then your husband will call and say:
THE BASEMENT IS FLOODED.
And you will feel your heart drop to your toes and you’ll think, “That’s it. I call a mulligan.” Only you don’t get one. You get to call your home insurance lady, who is a royal skank with no customer service skills who unkindly explains that any possible foundation damage is not covered due to “BAD CONSTRUCTION.”
You then wait on a quote from one of those companies you once saw on Extreme Makeover Home Edition, only Ty Pennington isn’t there to scream, “DRIVER! MOVE.THAT.BUS!” You’ll freak out that the mold has spread to the drywall and the other room next door. You’ll try to figure out where that leak came from. Then make yourself insane wondering how long it’s been happening.
In the meantime, one spouse will freak the hell out (that would be me) while the other spouse talks calmly and repeats, almost chant like, “It’s gonna be okay babe. It’s gonna be okay.” Even when the forecast calls for rain for the rest of the week.
And then you sit at your desk, eating fruit, when really you want to drown your sorrows in cake and champagne, but you don’t, because you’ve gained six pounds in the past month and you feel gross.
Yet, on the brighter side of things, you’ll finish out your work day and come home to your beautiful family. You’ll laugh during supper, work on projects together, tinker around with your sewing machine and then watch Regular Show. All the while remembering when you said at sixteen that you couldn’t wait to be an adult.
You know what? It’s not that bad.
I’m buying cake and champagne on my way home.
There’s always a silver lining, even if you have to create it yourself.