What My Wednesday Night Will Look Like:

ImageBehold! The power of the internet provides images of crazy ass experiments you never knew existed! Also, I just typed the word experiments four times before I finally got it right.  Then, when I noticed I did get it right, I put my glasses on and said the word out loud: “Ex-peri-mints. Ments, not mints.” Then I noticed I say experiments like that little girl from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when she mentions Sant-y Claus.  

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Blowing up highlighters in the microwave!

Is it wrong that I want to use PTO time, race home to MD, grab all our highlighters and spend the next hour doing this to home appliances? I mean, it’s not like I bought the microwave, it did come with the house.  Okay, so maybe in a way I did purchase it.  Although, in thinking about doing this, I also thought about the fact that I haven’t really made enough mortgage payments to justify the microwave.

When we first moved to Atlanta, we rented this apartment that DID NOT have a microwave.  After we’d sat down, huffing and exhausted, it was then that I realized the err of our ways. No microwave? How will we cook popcorn? Frozen veggies? How will I reheat the same cup of coffee fourteen times? Oh and just so you know, reheating cold coffee on the stove? Not a good idea.

We managed close to two years without a microwave. It was pretty cool, until I’d go to a thrift store and see a book dedicated to microwave cooking. Imagine! WHOLE MEALS cooked entirely in your microwave! FUTURE! I should’ve bought that book. Hold that thought…. I just looked it up, I still have my chance HERE. 

Without researching too much, I’d really like to know how Marie cooks that prime rib that she’s showing on the cover.  How long do you think that would take anyway? Seventeen minutes? Thirty five? Hour and three? Hm.

Okay, so what I want to know about the above highlighter experiment is this:

A) How long did it take

B) What camera did they use? iPhone? Cannon Rebel?

C) Cleanup: a snap or disaster

D) How long was this person grounded?

Let me tell you a little story right quick.

When my brother and I were kids, they made prepackaged microwave s’mores.  God Bless 1992, yknow? Anyway, you only had to zap them for 30 seconds, tops.  Every afternoon, Mike and I would crouch and watch the marshmallow expand and then the microwave would beep.  We’d take the snack out and eat it.  Then one day, and I’m not sure who came up with this, we decided to see how long it would take to blow up the marshmallow.

1:25 seconds.

Then it turns black and maaaaay catch on fire.  I can neither confirm nor deny this. 

Then you know what happens? PANIC.

After the panic subsides, you then ask your brother to grab the air freshener because your Mom is on her way home and man, is she gonna be pissed about the smell.  Before something like this happens to you, make sure your brother knows what the air freshener can looks like.

Because oddly enough, it also comes in a similar can to tub cleaner.

Also, if you are doing any experiment on linoleum floors, just stop. Stop right there and walk away.  Not only does tub cleaner not mask the smell of burnt, possibly on fire prepackaged food, it also turns the kitchen floor into what I can only describe as slick.  Slick like lubing up a slip n slide with Crisco slick.  It’s also a good idea to make sure your Mom is not wearing pantyhose. 

All of these were factors in our near death experience.


With that being said, I still want to do this.  Only my plan is to pick up a used microwave and proceed to do this in the backyard with plenty of extension cords and a possible facemask.

What’s the worst that could happen?


6 thoughts on “What My Wednesday Night Will Look Like:

  1. Random fact: In Quebec houses and apartments do not come with appliances. You need to supply them yourself. ESPECIALLY apartments. So when you move, you take all your stuff with you so you can eat and refrigerate and wash and stuff in your new place. Oddly, I thought this was normal until sometime in my mid-20s when my cousin in New Brunswick was buying her first house and all of these places came WITH appliances. WHAT?! Yet another reason I hate this province. The end.

  2. Cat- Wait, so does that include dishwashers and ovens? Most places here don’t come with a washer/dryer. The newer places do have microwaves, this place was older so it didn’t. Do you think it will really catch on fire? I’m really itching to try this out!

    • No appliances ever. You’re lucky if there’s a spot in the kitchen for a dishwasher. That’s what husbands are for. (ha!) None. Zero. Nada. Head to your local Home Depot and buy your own shit if you want to cook, keep food or clean thing. That sort of thing. 😉

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