on certain days-
Are you familiar with those small chances
of silence in the day
when no music is playing
no traffic is screaming
there is nothing
and you find yourself in complete silence
for a solid minute?
For me, they happen when I wake up
and I stare out the window
at the foot of my bed
and I wonder if there’s another window
somewhere on the east coast
that overlooks a street
with a few threadbare trees
cracked sidewalks that are hugged up on
corners with black bags of trash
and in the evening,
maybe across the street
or across the way
that toss out
amber hues, looking like tall
glasses of beer.
A window seat
with patterned fabric that
fits a mood between business professional
and sultry secretary
a wooden box, slatted
filled with yarn, pastel colors
and maybe a cat
who would nuzzle me, but only for treats
while I try to K2tog, yo, K1, yo…
When I can’t sleep,
I’ll slide down the front steps in
and out onto the back deck
where the total darkness
makes my heart race
so I keep my back to the siding
just in case,
anyone were to come up behind me
and end it
or whisper in my ear
some ghastly ghostly statement
I’ve always been afraid of the dark,
fully emersed in it
makes my body tingle
a twinge of being alive.
Sometimes I sneak a smoke
other times, I just stand there
and think about how a park bench in autumn
will warm your back in the nicest way
how drinking a cocktail on a rooftop
won’t muffle the screams of a city,
only enhance it
and it’s often,
thinking like this
that makes me drunk
Here, in this present moment,
you still hang on me
and I still hang on you-
like two wet sheets hanging on the line
that got slapped together with one good
gust of wind.
I was sipping on hot tea
fully aware of the blankness that crept over my face
I had stepped away
where I was afraid to go.
we can meet oceanside
in a rental cabana
and remind ourselves what
idiots we have been-
we’ll just keep on, keeping on
in quiet content
holding onto words
like receipts from expensive meals
expired metro passes
dried whiskey on smooth lips
and those small chances
Currently, I am on the couch taking a break from writing two papers and working on two projects. MD is on the floor working on a speech about Planned Parenthood for his lit class in the morning.
Owen is spinning on the record player.
This is how our evenings unfold: homework, studying, records.
In two weeks we’ll move the clocks forward. I’ve paid close attention to how early the sun is setting. I’ve welcomed the cooler air and crispiness of the day. Summer was a long one here in the South this year. Just last week it was in the high eighties. The weatherman says it’ll be rainy and a high of 56 on Sunday.
Soup weather in my opinion.
Classes are moving along- rapidly. Seems that out of nowhere all projects, papers and presentations are due within the next two weeks. If I pass both my finals, I may come out of this semester with a 4.0 GPA. Learning how to write papers again has been a daunting task- and one that I probably would have struggled with more if my son and husband weren’t around to explain it all to me (and YouTube).
For the past month, I’ve also been working on a shawl shaped like a maple leaf. My goal is to have it complete by Thanksgiving.
Which reminds me that in three weeks, our family will be driving up to Tennessee for the first out of many college campus visits. That’s right- MD has started the journey to find his dream school. We’ll do the bonafide tour, take him to his first SEC football game and probably get tacos and beer (for us). There’s one school up in Vermont we’ve been looking at as well- but the window to visit without a massive snowstorm is closing in. I think it would be pretty rad to do a campus tour in the snow though. Maybe I should invest in some longjohns first though.
It’s been almost three months since I walked away from my desk job and started work as a preschool teacher. I’ve won the tiny humans over with my vast knowledge of dinosaurs, love of books and my stash of stickers. In return, they’ve given me the flu, but I love them still.
This post was way more uneventful then planned…